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Helen
Helen Rupp '''is the most prominent character in the Our Flat series. Helen is notably one of the original owners of the titular flat in New Leicester, and also she is the series interpretation of the writer leading to many "I'm writing the script" type jokes. Biography Helen was born in New Leicester and raised in a flat in the nearby area with her parents and older brother David. Her oldest friend is Marco DeTerrio whom she found in the park one day. She went to the same school as Molly McAdam, Harriet Bradbury, Marco, and Tiffany Hoskins. During her school years, Helen and Marco not only met several incarnations of themselves but also met the '''target audience chronologically before their series debut. In 2014 she purchased a flat with Molly, Harry, and Tiff, supposedly in the same building she'd grown up in before. Original Series September 2015, Helen decides to decorate the flat for Christmas only her housemate Molly disagrees. She confides in her friend Marco before a disaster in the apartment. All is resolved when Tiff arranges a visit from Santa who gives Helen a hug. It’s revealed that all Helen wants for Christmas is a cello. Helen creates a plan for world domination and kidnaps Molly and Harry to tell them, but they escape before she can tell them what it is. On gathering day, the day when you court your date for Christmas, Helen convinces Marco to pursue Molly and flirts with her then girlfriend Ebony. When Harry leaves her phone at home before a flight, Helen arranges with Marco and Molly to break into the airport and delay the flight. She decides they should dress like spies and nicknames Molly short round. Her codename is Sugar Elastoplast Xylophone Yacht (Sexy). As well as succeeding in their mission, Helen uses the database to play Pac-Man and also dance to Fall Out Boy. Helen arranges a birthday party for Harry in the local pub and catches the attention of Polak Karmenitshikow and his friend Elton Patterson. She’s proposed to by Polak and after some pestering agrees to marry him. Helen watches a new award winning film with Polak and agrees to never watch it again, she then watches is several more times. Whilst trying to cook dinner, Helen blows up the kitchen and ends up in hospital. In a trip to her school past, Helen gets traumatised by her younger self calling her and adult and has to take some time out to recover. Past Helen is revealed to be the leader of the pack. Helen sets the kitchen on fire by ‘accident’. Helen runs all the way to the airport then realises she’s left the oven on. Helen runs all the way home but the kitchen is already on fire again. When Harry visits the alternate dimension, Helen is a man called Holan who isn’t particularly polite about his wife, the alternate version of Polak. Helen lands a role as an extra in a Hollywood film only it’s revealed that the people in charge had spent too much budget on a robotic chicken to afford any more. Helen then portrays every extra in the film, including the entire mafia. She is nominated for an award but loses out to Molly who only played one very small role. The flat gets broken into by a zombie who kidnaps Harry. Helen is offended when the zombie doesn’t take her brains and goes after him. She sees him attack Molly and still walk away from her. Later she confronts him, demanding to know why he won’t take her brains. The zombie flirts with her and makes and impression on Helen who considers running away with him. Helen decides that her ideal Halloween costume would be as a Tax-Man because they’re always scary. Gary is going as a turtle... Helen and Molly have a picnic in a graveyard and get attacked by bears. Helen tells David a joke. Around here the Beige Wedding chronologically happens (Helen marries Polak) but is not shown. When at a shop, Helen gets angry about the proper pronunciation of the word ’croissant’. Helen organises the spy squad again, this time with Elton. Helen is trying to work out how to get to rehearsal when Polak is in hospital. She spend’s more time playing minecraft than communicating with Marco and Elton. Polak organises a taxi for her. The Top-Secret Adventures of Molly and Helen Molly and Helen gain the attention of The Director and Backstage. The pair get hired as spies by the Director’s company: The Director’s Cast. Helen is covering the tree in more tinsel when they are called to the Director’s aid. She changes outfit in the magic elevator for the first time. The Director asks them to fix his TV arial in time for the new series of Bargain Hunt. The Director asks Helen and Molly to get his chicken Cassandra down from a tree. It’s discovered that Helen can speak chicken. After some tensions between them she shoots her down but Cassandra survives. When Cassandra returns to the tree Helen tries to get Molly to help but she is unwell. She decided against inviting Marco and goes to convince Harry. Elton tells Helen that Harry isn’t interested and goes with Helen instead of the others. Together they shoot Cassandra out of the tree again, this time with a bazooka. Helen tackles Marco at a cafe in order to threaten the owner for ‘stuff’. The stuff turns out to be a pot of marshmallows that she delivers successfully to the Director. Somehow, Helen creates a chicken translating collar for Cassandra so “even Molly” can understand her. It’s perhaps not the greatest idea... Original Series (Continued) During the ‘What Can’t I Do For Plotagon’ Challenge, Helen is awarded the title ‘Bard Of Plotagon’. This title came with a fine quality mud hovel with air conditioning, a lute, and a free complimentary goat. Helen is singing a twisted version of ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ by Cliff Richard when Tiff discovers the wishing powder. Tiff wishes Helen would sing all the time and so she cant speak for the rest of the episode. Helen meets the Queen in an elevator and asks her “...what’s Phillip like in bed?” Harry is shocked to discover the guest speaker at her school is actually Helen who tortures her with advanced music theory. Helen gets attacked by Molly when she finds out about this act of true cruelty. At the pub, Helen tells Marco about Molly’s new boyfriend Justin. She then comes home to hear them making out in the other room, seemingly with a chicken. As part of their undercover work with the Director, Molly and Helen get jobs as policemen and end up witnessing (and nearly arresting) the hero inspired by the movie in which Helen was an extra, and who in turn inspired the Powerman series. Gary returns and a beautiful friendship blooms between him and Helen. As policemen, Helen arrests David for offending Cassandra. In a spectacular hall of mirrors where the mirror shows an opposite version of the viewer, Helen is offended by her reflection and tries to fight it which leads to her part of the mirror shattering. She then pretends to be Tiff’s reflection to cover up for the broken mirror. Helen sets the kitchen on fire again. Molly and Helen get lost in the woods and end up in a room where the ‘Livin‘ on a Prayer Goat Version’ was playing on YouTube. Elton and Harry encounter the doppelgängers of Molly and Helen; a waiter called Manuel and the head chef. They believe they are the real Molly and Helen in disguise and berate the, for spoiling their evening. Meanwhile the real pair are at home watching tv. Helen visits David in prison to inform him that if he is left out he will be attacked by her 600 followers who she’s given pitchforks. He decides to stay a little longer. Helen is decorating the tree again when Molly informs her that their flat has been teleported through space and time. Helen steps outside but sees no difference...until she puts on her glasses. After a conversation about Star Wars puns, Helen finds Molly has suspiciously disappeared. She goes after her and discovers an alien spacecraft run by a crazy robot. Inside, she finds Molly who has been “translated” into a blue alien creature. After returning home, Helen helps fix her by putting her in a Santa suit and an astronaut helmet. Elton asks Helen to be his assistant in a cooking show. Helen burns the kitchen down. Polak and Helen train to be Jedi under master Broda. Helen does not go incredibly far and...burns the kitchen down. Helen sits in on a music lesson at Appleton Academy (of Legendary Apple’s) which is disrupted by an announcement that a dragon is loose in the building. Helen discovers the dragon is Molly in a costume. The spies re-assemble in an attempt to get a good deal on Christmas food. Helen, as usual, is guiding Marco on his adventure. When Marco is unsuccessful, Helen decides he should come back in a dress. When that fails, she reveals her secret weapon: Elton, in a dress. Polak continues training Helen to be a Jedi and leaves her when she fails the final hurdle: to complete a game of Snake. She instead manages to use her Jedi powers to get 800 followers. Following a brief celebration, she promptly wins Snake. Helen and Molly wish everyone a Merry Christmas 2015. At the Christmas Party, Helen is enraged to see them serving mini-quiche which according to her is an abomination. The Middle Era (Series 2 + 3) Helen and Molly break into a motel to plan Harry’s wedding to Elton. Their wedding package includes banners, a bag of ordinary sized quiches, some plane tickets Helen has arranged Marco to steal, a bouncy castle “bigger than Helen’s ass”, fireworks, and an assortment of items from Poundland. Helen Interviews Polak to make sure he is the best best man the world has ever seen. When Molly remembers they forgot to give an Ali I for why they were away from home that night Helen panics and sends a text to Harry telling her that they were in Paris with Bill Nye. Helen sets the kitchen on fire again. The Director decides to get in contact again by using the incognito phones which have fart ringtones. Helen and Molly accuse each other of being responsible. They’re then exposed to the Director hacking the television in an attempt to get a message to them psychologically. With both failing, the flat gets blown up by Cassandra. Helen threatens to kill Polak when he says that a positive of marriage is not having to wash-up or make sandwiches. Helen and Molly threaten to fight each other before quickly making up. Marco and Helen briefly reflect on their teamwork. Helen stars in an anti-addiction ad campaign as a girl addicted to classical music. When the Oscars come round, Helen decides the best way to see the action is for her and Molly to cover themselves in gold paint and pretend to be the life-size Oscars outside the venue. It’s revealed later in the series that for this they were arrested. Someone from David’s ‘Spoofs Alighting’ world contacts Helen and Molly and persuades Helen to help David fight the robot overlord that has taken over the bodies of himself and many of his friends. Helen faints, falls down the stairs and out of the front door into the road to be run over by three cars when she is told she has 1700 followers. Molly returns to the flat after a brief absence and Helen appears to have forgotten who she is. Even after a brief reflective monologue detailing most of their friendship including the time they met when they were seated together in class, Helen still doesn’t seem to know who Molly is. However, upon hearing that Cassandra is in danger Helen remembers and leaves with Molly to save her. During their new spy adventure, Helen sets fire to the vent they were trying to escape, leading to them being stripped of their clothes and chained to some rocks in a wolf-infested cave. Helen meets her clone, but the Helen who meets the clone also happens to be a clone. The real Helen walks in on the two clones before they “practice kissing” and suggests they get their own back on David (who had made them). The two clones go to live with David and irritate him unendingly. On a spy mission, Helen initiates a car chase. Helen can’t drive and crashes the Fiat. Helen falls out with Molly when she doesn’t come to her 1800 followers party. They quickly reconcile. Molly lets Helen drive the new car but Helen can’t drive and instantly crashes it. Mother Rupp briefly leaves the two siblings in the car where they promptly verbally abuse each other as usual. A call is received from the police, telling Helen that Cassandra is dead. She attends the funeral and makes a semi-ok speech. Upon learning that the death was fake, Helen says goodbye to Tim Wonnacott from Bargain Hunt and goes with Molly to another adventure. Using the codename Linekar, Helen is sent to rescue a cactus that the Director has mistakenly given away. Helen has a shocking discovery that their flat has a door. At Harry’s wedding (The Yellow Wedding), Helen is the one who receives the call that Elton is in Africa with Polak. She tries to calm down Harry but is unsuccessful. Ffyon Karmenitshikow (Helen and Polak’s daughter) is shown having an argument with River Patterson (Harry and Elton’s son) about a crashed car. In a flashback to modern day, an echo of the same conversation is held between Helen and Harry. When Marco comes to Helen for reassurance about being an “unsophisticated hermit” Helen says she wasn’t going to tell him and finds out he’s been trying to grow lemons in England. Helen herself is trying to be a pirate but rather unsuccessfully as she can’t wear a hat and glasses at the same time. Later, Molly joins her to be a pirate and they both blindly try to navigate the port. Helen gets worried that Marco has gone missing and asks Polak where he is. Molly teaches Helen how to properly respond in an interview situation. Helen gets a job at ‘Fresco; the home of fresh food’ but pretends to be a mother of 17 fish named children when Harry finds her working there. She also reveals that every time they say the full name a gong sounds, and every time the gone sounds the staff discount goes up 5%. Patricia the microwave explodes, setting the kitchen on fire. Helen tries to get out of the blame by giving countless excuses including claiming that the flat was secretly a medieval deathtrap and that “on one specific sabbath day God said let there be fire”. Helen confronts Molly at her new job in the library insisting she gets access to the restricted section. In the Wonderful Evening, Helen goes on a double date night with Harry, Elton, and Polak. It goes wrong and Helen and Harry end up in a creepy house re-enacting a 1930s crime drama. Helen finds Polak and Elton are behind many of the creepy goings-on but still Harry ends up missing. An escalated situation leads to the whole street being destroyed, for which Helen blames the kitchen appliances and reminds Molly that ovens are vegan and if they were to leave the kitchen all the cabinets would fall down due to the lack of gravitational and moral support. The cause is identified as the boiler blowing up. Helen and Marco try to catch a unicorn. Helen disappears to the desert whilst dressed as a friendship moose. The Beige Wedding Helen discovers that many of the group’s items had gone missing including her glasses (meaning she had to steal Molly’s) and Marco’s lemons. After being exposed for having too many jobs, Helen agrees to investigate and finds Kashmir Brunker and Rochelle O’Connor building a lemon prince for the county fair. Polak explains to Helen that he’s upset they don’t spend much screen time together. They reflect on their wedding and agree never to tell anyone what happened... In autumn 2015, Helen and Molly holiday in Barbados only to realise it’s Helen’s wedding day and they aren’t in England. More of Helen’s past is revealed, showing Helen and Marco repeatedly meeting in the pub and confiding in each other in the presence of the target audience (whom they gradually get more comfortable with). Helen promises to Marco that if she ever gets married he can be the flower boy. Molly and Helen go to the port to find that there is only one seat left on the boat back to England and the attendant needs it to get back to his pregnant wife. Helen watches as Marco storms past and takes the seat for Helen, accidentally stealing Molly’s phone in the process. She watches as the boat accidentally sails away with Marco still onboard. Molly, Helen, and the attendant spend the night on the sand trying to attract the attention of oncoming planes. In the morning a plane comes by and Helen tried to chase it down. It comes too close and the jets propel sand all over Helen and Molly who are both covered in sun cream. The plane turns out to contain Polak and Elton. Helen finds out the attendant can officiate and they decide to marry then and there. The attendant marries Polak and Helen at the port in Barbados. They use the plane to fly home and arrive back in time for the after party. Back at home Helen gets a job at a fashion warehouse, gets fired and gets a job at a flower shop. She then mistakes the words “bed linen” for “bin laden” and gets mystically teleported to the Director’s house. The Void The kitchen gets destroyed by a demon called Brian who is after Helen’s microwave, Patricia. Helen does a rain dance to stop the fire but in the process sets fire to her trousers leading to her wearing a bin bag underneath a suit jacket. Helen explains to Molly that if the demon doesn’t get the microwave or her soul then the world will be destroyed. Molly doesn’t believe her...until... After the explosion, Molly asks Helen for more details. She reveals that she can't give her soul to Satan because it is already owned by the Void. Out of the blue Austin Green from Legendary Apples appears with his time machine and Helen decides to go back in time and stop herself from giving her soul to the void. Past Helen agrees and the dimension breaks. She thinks they only have three days until the world ends but actually the event trigger isn’t her two year anniversary after all. The friends unknowingly switch to an alternate universe where Helen can cook and has lighter hair. She also has never met Elton and Polak and spends a lot of time with Rochelle and Kashmir rather than Marco and Harry (as they never went to Barbados and Marco founded what would be Kashmelle). Helen, however, has a feeling something isn't quite right even though everybody else doesn't understand. A flashback reveals a young Helen being visited by a creature called The Void, someone Helen has claimed to worship throughout the series. The Void asks for Helen's soul in trade for her assistance making satanic appliances for Lucifer to get the Void back in his favour. This is revealed to be one of the reasons why the microwave became possessed. However, Helen cannot accept the offer as at that point her soul belonged to Lactose. In order to get her soul, the Void would have to converse with that celestial being. The Void returns with Lactose giving Helen the option to choose between them. Suddenly, Morgan Freeman (also known as God) appears and also offers to own Helen's soul. Helen and Lactose flirt with each other. Just as Helen is about to pick the Void, Helen from the future (from Austin's time machine) appears and tells her not to choose the Void. New dimension Helen recalls this and realises she's made a mistake. She tells Molly that the version of herself that picked the Void looked a lot happier like she had lived a more exciting life. She revealed that she had picked God instead and had as a consequence lived a peaceful and good life without many risks (including holding a birthday party in a pub and joining a spy company). She says goodbye to Molly, hoping she would also be happy in the other world and went back in time to change her fate again. The dimension breaks again and Helen and Molly are back exactly where they were before, in a blown up and broken world. Helen has to face an angry Molly not understanding why nothing has changed. She suggests asking the Void for help in stopping the apocalypse. Helen goes to find the Void but can't find it. She goes instead to Lactose and learns that the Void is dead. She also learns that because the first Helen told past Helen not to go with the Void, and the second Helen told her not to go with God, Helen went with Lactose. Since the Void life and the Lactose life was not that different nobody notices, the only difference is that "Void you doesn't cry when watching Moulin Rouge". Lactose has a pep talk with Helen about losing the world. Lactose unbinds Helen's soul and lets her go to bargain with Brian. Helen (mysteriously dressed in all black) goes to find Brian and offers him her soul instead of Patricia. Surprisingly, he reveals that is what he's wanted all along. Brian takes control of her body and mocks her bravery. She is compliant until Brian notices that her eyes are black as well as her hair. Her body is taken over by the Void who reveals it has been living within Helen all this time. Brian accuses the Void of being after the answer. The Void instead says that the amount of darkness in Helen was enough to keep them alive and that they also wanted to see a bit of light in the darkness. They say that when they leave Helen they'll take all the darkness with them and Brian questions the fact that the Void would die to save Helen. The Void tells Brian that Helen would also die to save the world and that the two sacrifices were equally just. After Brian continues to mock the Void's devotion to Helen, the Void threatens to kill Helen and Brian panics. He demands that they tell him the answer or the world ends. The Void explains that Helen doesn't know the answer yet. Brian gives the Void and Helen until the 499th plot to reveal the answer to him. A flashback reveals that the answer to why the world exists shall be revealed by a prophecised "emo northerner". In a flashback, Helen is seen reciting passages from the book of Satan before putting it in the microwave, which then becomes possessed. Helen and Polak swap medication as an experiment and Helen briefly turns into a butch Russian. Helen and Molly get stranded on an iceberg in the middle of the ocean. Polak buys a new fire hydrant just as Helen burns the kitchen down again. Helen is invited to celebrate the new year with the Queen on a Devon Steam Rail trip instead of Phillip who is retired. Helen is confused as to why they are celebrating in November and the Queen explains that the year has been so bad she may as well end it early. Whilst Kashmelle ruin the New Leicester Christmas light switch-on, Helen and Harry organise a leather-bound milk fic to be made for Molly as a present. Helen tried to find an accountant to help her organise her finances by going to an accountancy firm with a ten-pound note stuck to a harpoon. She and Molly get arrested but break out of prison. They run through a costume department and Helen has a minor fashion breakdown in response. They are saved by Kashmir and Rochelle. Helen gets stuck in the u-bend of the flat’s toilet. Nuno persuades Helen to run to Cambodia after she theorises that Net Neutrality was abolished to halt the rise of bitcoin. On her return, David offers to make her a sandwich without butter, ending in him asking Helen “Is Lactose the antichrist?” Helen uses all of Molly’s savings to fill the flat's bookcase with a theatre company of bees who are practising Shakespeare. Molly is discovered by Helen having herself set the kitchen on fire and attempts to make excuses. Helen and Molly say goodbye to Patricia who has apparently died. Demi Green (upon entering the series) walks in on Helen in a burning kitchen. Kashmir finds Helen and forces her to train for her meeting with Brian on the 499th plot. They try and work out the answer and Helen can only think of past conversations she'd had, including "bees?" (a Cards Against Humanity reference). Helen falls out with Polak over bringing the target audience with her to the bargaining. Marco confides in Helen that he remembers how he felt in the alternate dimension and that though he was rich he missed having friends and feeling loved. This gives Helen an idea and she heads to the bargaining feeling brave and optimistic. Helen goes to find Brian but finds Jehovah, the creator of worlds, instead. Jehovah tells the Void (who is still inside Helen) that she may as well destroy the world herself. She also informs them that the whole quadrant is watching earth at that moment. Jehovah explains that she gave the world the question as a test for humanity to prove they are worthy to remain existing. Jehovah commands the Void to leave Helen and let her fight for herself. Helen launches into a speech about loneliness, friendship, and love. Helen believes that Jehovah created the world so that Jehovah wasn't alone. In a flash-forward Helen reveals that none of that speech happened. What really happened is that Helen in a state of panic shouts out "bees?". Jehovah destroys the world. Only she doesn't, as another flash-forward explains. Instead, she confirms that yes, the reason the world exists is bees. Helen asks if heaven is full of bees and Jehovah responds that heaven is actually a planet made out of bees which she follows by saying Helen will never end up there. The New Dynamic Helen wins a trip to Barbados for four. Instead of taking Polak, Elton, and Harry as expected, she takes Molly and newcomers Kashmir and Rochelle. Disguised as a small boy named Horatio, she travels via cargo hold to Barbados. There, she discovers their situation isn’t as luxury as advertised. During a group trip to an “ethnic boat” Helen watches Kashmir force Rochelle off the plank and recites the whole of Molly’s bucket list to understand that Molly isn’t a fan of boats. The pair then walk the plank themselves in order to leave. When out exploring the island, the group get separated. Helen and Kashmir toss a coin between asking for directions and burning the city down. The coin lands on ask for directions but Helen says they can still burn the city down...and they do. Afterwards the pair reflect on different destructive ways and how to use them. A flashback shows Helen meeting Marco when they were both very young. They play fancy dress and pretend to be radio hosts before Marco has to leave with his uncle. Helen and Molly apply for arts council funding for a strip circus. They reckon the act is family friendly since unlike other circuses the animals will at least begin by wearing clothes. This idea was started when Molly revealed her desire to be a stripper and to run away to the circus, to which Helen responded “why not both?”. Molly, Kashmir, Rochelle, and Helen go to the fair to exhibit their human cannon. Kashmir and Helen disappear and fall in love with a cow they call Petunia the Saucy. Helen attempts to outbid Lewis Hamilton by offering the owner the human cannon and a duck called Raymond in return. When returning to the main fair Helen learns that Rochelle is missing, Kashmir has broken the human cannon, and Molly has won a duck costume. Helen leaves to bring the cannon to the owner, when she returns she finds out that Lewis Hamilton has put in an even bigger bid and that Kashmir has sold Molly to a farmer as livestock. Kashmir tells Helen that the only way to get the cow is to beat Lewis Hamilton in a race. Helen is entered into the Alistair Cup with the help of a golden sausage company and Fiat. Helen finds Sam Allen shortly after he’s started World War Three with Cassandra. The Queen pays Helen a visit to complain that she wasn’t at a recent commonwealth party. In order to repay her majesty’s debt, Helen pretends to be Phillip and serves by the Queen’s side for a week. Helen adopts a dog called Dermot Maurice Сражайся Cо Мной Я Промозглую (Fight me I'm Dank) Fluffles. Charlotte (Helen’s then girlfriend) turns Helen’s car pink. Helen asks for Charlotte’s help to break her obsession with listening to the Stalin Album. Charlotte insists that they start by becoming farmers and listening to the Wurzel’s Combine Harvester. Helen helps Kashmir practise for her interview by pretending to be a 306 year old schmangler called Patricia Lardarse, mother of 6 and a half children and resident of England for 314 years (she was kept in a freezer before being given to her mothers). FBT Days Molly and Helen drive through town in a new sports car and reflect on change. Helen is seen dealing memes from a car window, Molly is one of her clients. An evil mastermind’s plans are halted by Helen’s even eviler plan to spread Infinity War spoilers across the internet. Molly and Helen have a deep and meaningful conversation about the existence of bats. Helen stages a modern version of Romeo and Juliet with Demi and David as the main characters as a celebration of pride. The idea is to try and celebrate straight love as the channel is already "too gay"...but it doesn’t go incredibly well. Helen instead decides to just be gay. The group are visited by aliens and Helen has tea with a blue man. Helen breaks the computer by accident and covers it up with eggs, bread, ducktape, and a giant black replica of the titanic. Molly stages an intervention into Helen and Kashmir’s disastrous behaviour, it doesn’t go well. Helen and Kashmir are revealed to have destroyed a street with napalm, hacked Tesla, released several mallards to attack the Duchess of York and set a pizzeria on fire. Kashmir recruits Helen to help her sell flamethrowers. She dresses as a dragon but the kids burn her wings off. When she’s arrested David comes to rescue her and assumes she was behind the all but Helen reminds him that there’s more than one chaotic person in the family. After beating Molly at a video game, Molly tells Helen she thinks something is wrong. Helen brushes it off as her being a sore loser, but then she gets a text from Kashmir saying “lol, rip”. Helen then finds out that Kashmir has been abducted by an alien who intends to make her destroy the earth. Helen gets angry, infuriated that her ”10 part character development” (The Void) and the whole ‘saving the world’ thing would mean nothing if Kashmir destroyed the world now. She and Molly scream up at the sky and wake up "half of Eurasia" trying to get a message to Kashmir. Giving up on that, they somehow manage to quickly construct a spaceship made out of ducktape and sneak onboard the ship. They immediately notice the ship is crammed with tarpaulin, but Helen (someone who knows a ridiculous amount of unuseful facts) states that tarpaulin is used to stop the Zargs. They look out the window and see Earth despite hearing a "Planet-sized explosion". Instead, Helen sees a large hole in a nearby space depo and ponders why she can see a robot version of her brother inside and on the toilet (See IRM Amanda). Helen finds Kashmir bizarrely in a replica of their own kitchen which is naturally on fire. As soon as she speaks she realises Kashmir thinks she is a ghost and is extremely upset to see her. Helen tries to keep her calm by fabricating different death stories instead of it being Kashmir's fault but is overly scientific and only makes things worse. Soon after she is confronted by the alien who hired Kashmir who is actually blind. The alien thinks Helen is Kashmir and kicks her off the ship for managing to miss Earth with the planet-destroying missile. Drifting in space, Helen nearly dies but Molly spots her and saves her with a ducktape rope. Molly tells Helen that in her panic she pressed a big red button and the pair hear a self-destruction warning. They manage to save Kashmir and escape in the ducktape ship before the ship explodes. Moving Out Helen and Molly receive an email from Elton stating he'd been kidnapped by Helen's husband Polak. He goes on to ask the pair to feed his cat at his and Harry's new house. He invites Helen, Molly, and Elton to visit. Helen begins a running joke of having no idea she was ever married or who Polak is (based off the fact he hadn't appeared in any plots for several months). When at the house Helen reveals that they don't and never have had a car but they've been operating a cardboard cutout as if it is one, much to Molly's surprise. She also reveals she's been pretending to be the car radio and predicts the traffic. Helen and Kashmir end up in the kitchen, which Kashmir suggests they shouldn't be allowed in given their track record. Helen tells her to be quiet and to help her feed the cat in secret as Elton told them Harry hates it. Somehow Helen opens the freezer and it self implodes summoning a demon called Cersius. Helen bumps into Moss in the park who tries to scare Helen but she's undeterred. She has a flashback to meeting Moss in the supermarket several months earlier. (Moss is the main character of the side channel The Bucket of Terror that The Bard used to troll GDD in 2017) A flashback shows Helen and Molly moving into their flat with a new microwave. Helen reveals their new house has only one bedroom, meaning for the entire series Helen and Molly have been sharing a bed, with other characters sleeping on beds made out of ducktape and tarpaulin and Tiff sleeping in the fridge. In the modern day Helen tries to bring Patricia the Microwave to their new house. Helen persuades Molly to let her take her with them but refuses to put her in the moving van. It's revealed that Helen put Emelda and Cassandra in the moving van together. Helen insinuates that the bookshelf is still full of bees. The pair reminisce their time in the flat. Molly asks Helen never to set the kitchen on fire again and she disputes that she has a problem with it despite it being obvious she does. Helen introduces Helen to the new house but is interrupted when Marco arrives. Helen gets suspicious of noises in the boot and opens it up to find Elton, tied up wearing only a snowman costume head, a bra and pants. Helen is dragged to a studio and told to introduce the weather for a show called 'The Plotagonia News'. She watches as all her friends create a news show based on her life but seemingly unaware that it's actually her they're talking about. Molly discovers Helen has been putting classic novels in the blender and trying to drink it to get smarter. The question arises of who will live in their new house and where. In a contest for the Thomas the Tank Engine bunk bed, Helen suggests throwing all the contenders off of a bridge and seeing which one floats. Molly suggests using her police uniform to interrogate them with. When Helen interviews Polak he says that he's her husband and so should live with her, but Helen disputes this claiming to have a wife. Earlier she'd interviewed Demi and Demi had stated she was her wife to which Helen accepted. Helen is disappointed when Elton says for the millionth time that he's not a vampire. Kashmir threatens Helen that she'll kill a bee if she's not allowed to live with them. She listens to Marco listing all the good things he plans to do in the house. To Sam, she asks a question from the FBT series to which he answers correctly. Polak breaks the fourth wall and Helen claims only she's allowed to do that and that she's the chosen one. Helen and Demi flirt a lot. Elton pretends to be a vampire to impress Helen and Kashmir continues to blackmail Helen with a contract. Marco manages to switch places with Helen and turn it into a counselling session. When Molly asks Helen how it went she reveals that during the session she divorced Polak (among other things). Helen reveals that Kashmir and Marco are moving in since she's petrified of Kashmir and she just wants to protect Marco. She states that Elton and Polak are looking for a new home and that Sam is going with them. It's insinuated that Demi moves into Helen's bed as her wife. Helen and Demi build a conference room on the house's hardstanding in order to debate a plan to steal the television remote back from Marco and Kashmir who are hiding in their own conference room built on the roof. The Duel of Wits Extra Appearances Behind the Scenes